Since the birth of my son Judah two months ago, I've had the chance (through hours of lost sleep and crying, which hasn't always been his) to do a lot of thinking and reflecting. While I have a blog entry on the racial and systemic mess that is our great nation on hold, I thought I would take some time to share what comes to me while I sit in Judah's glider and rock him to sleep.
During his two month check up at the pediatrician, Judah was measured, weighed, and given his first vaccinations. The cries and screams that our child let out during those shots broke my heart. I never want him to feel any pain, but I suppose that is the nature of this life. Anyway, that's not even the point to all of this. As our pediatrician went over his numbers and patterns, she confidently declared, "He's doing perfect!"
Perfect!? Perfect?!
I love my son with all of my heart in a way I never thought possible, no matter how much my parents told me they loved my brother. And don't get me wrong; even the difficult and frustrating moments are worth while.
But perfect? I mean, I know Judah is growing at a proper rate. But surely as a mother, our doctor has to know how not perfect this thing can be. Late nights and early mornings. Crying, fussing, and crying some more. Frankly, parenthood is exhausting even with all the cute smiles and beautiful moments.
As I held him in his chair after a long screaming session (he did have three painful shots today after all), I looked down at him and thought to myself, "Perfect? With all the crying and diaper changes, of course he is still perfect. He is a perfect mess. He's my perfect mess" And then the Holy Spirit, as he often has done while I sit in that chair, impressed upon me an encouraging thought. This is the same way that God sees me as perfect in Christ. He's knows I'm a perfect mess. He knows how I cry and complain and want everyone to pay attention to me all of the time. He sees my crazy, and often twisted thoughts even before they enter my mind and yet he loves me infinitely more than I could ever love Judah.
So there in that chair I was reminded of scriptures from the Bible like Hebrews 6:1, "Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity..." or Philippians 1:6 "...Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." It's refreshing to know that we are works in progress. Our calling as human beings made in God's image is to continue on in maturity, being molded into the likeness of Jesus Christ. But our Father doesn't expect perfection immediately, or really any time soon for that matter. Judah is going to mature and grow even as he cries, screams, ruins many diapers, and costs us a lot of money as a family. He's a mess. But it takes that messiness to lead him and all of us to perfection and maturity.
I'm getting the hang of changing his diapers. I'm learning not to get frustrated and angry when he cries and screams (no, I'm not a perfect parent. Don't judge me.). I'm learning that all of these things are a part of the growing process. God changes us without being scared off by our messes, holds us while we kick and scream, and gives us nourishment by His Holy Spirit. And when He looks at us through the lens of Christ's righteousness, he doesn't see the mess. He sees a perfect mess. His perfect mess.
